A Dadaist Cupcake

There's just something about cinnamon toast crunch that energizes me about filmmaking.

One benefit to rapid aging is that Terrence Malick can't afford to wait five decades in between movies anymore.

Please remember me Schwitters-ly

By the granulated harmonicas laughing

Teacher says every time you Thank Jack White (For the Fiber-Optic Jesus That He Gave You), a broom gets broken.

....I?

Well, the thing about ethics is...DAAAAAHHH!!!!!

Speak for yourself....MORON!

A HA HA HA HA HA ! OH MY GOD THAT IS FUNNY!

So should I?

"Just tap it in. Just tap it in. Give it a little tappy. Tap, tap, taparoo..."

I want to bathe with you in the mountain

I want to climb with you on the sea

I want to live like this forever

It seems as if EVERYONE was in that particular film. I’ve spent a lot of time being angry that nobody invited me to that party. But after some soul searching, I am now over it.

This list will probably change but here are my thoughts as of so far:

1) A Serious Man

2) Synecdoche New York

3) Adaptation.

4) There Will Be Blood

5) I'm Not There

6) Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

7) The Royal Tenenbaums

8) Mulholland Dr.

9) Hedwig and the Angry Inch

10) Traffic

HONORABLE MENTIONS: INLAND EMPIRE, Requiem for a Dream, Lost in Translation, Waking Life, AI: Artificial Intelligence, Minority Report, Where the Wild Things Are, Children of Men

NEED TO SEE: Yi-Yi, Saddest Music in the World, Oldboy, City of God

...er.

Why must people reconstruct their bodies in attempts to change their genders?

Because society has conditioned them.

What makes you a man? A penis.

What makes you a woman? A vagina.

It isn't "machismo" or obsession with fashion or drooling over sports or a liking of the color blue or the color pink.

It isn't because you wear dresses and it isn't because you wear make-up.

Just live with your penis.

Make friends with your vagina.

You don't have to be anything other than yourself.

Goodnight.

AND I GRUMBLE!

AND I GRUMBLE!

AND I GRUMBLE!

http://vimeo.com/8027222

Razorblades.

Into face.

...when people rub cheeto dust on their nose?

.........

...........


...............


Yeah. Me neighter.

I'm going to create an album that comes on 7 discs

You put one disc in one stereo per continent on Earth

Then you blast off into space

And as the Earth rotates....

(But of course you'd have to float rather close to the Earth)

That ruled.

Chinese Foooood. May I help you?
Yeah. I'd like to place an order.
What would you like?
Yeah, I'd like three orders of garlic chicken.
And then?
And then three orders of white rice.
And then?
And then..., you guys want soup?
Sure.
Yeah, Three orders of wantan soup.
And then?
Oh, ah, some fortune cookies too.
And then?
That's it. I think that's about it.
And then?
No. That's it.
And then?
No 'and then'. I..., I..., that's all I want.
And then?
And then, and then, and then I'm, then nothing else coz I'm done ordering. OK?
And then?
No. No. See, all I want is the three orders of the garlic chicken and the three orders of the white rice
And then?
And the soup dude.
Oh, and the wantan soup.
And then?
And the cookies fortune.
And the fortune cookies, yes. So it's just the, it's the, the chicken...
the rice, the soup and the fortune cookies and that's it.
And then?
And then you can put it in a brown paper bag and come put in my hand coz I'm ready to eat.
And then?
I refuse to play your chinese food mind games.
And then?
No, No 'and then'!
And then?
No 'and then'!
And then?
No 'and then'!
And then?
No 'and then'!
And then?
No 'and then'!
And then?
No, no 'and then'!
And then?
You're really starting to piss me off lady!
And then?
And then, I'm gonna come in there...
...and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass if you say 'and then' again!
And then? And then? And then? And then? And then?
And then?
Come on Nelson! Just help us find my car!

Nothing in the world makes any sense aside from movies.

Why does A Serious Man see so clearly but we do not?

Is it because God should have put eyes on our hands instead?

ZEEZ

Audy...it's not what it looks like.

AUDY

What do you want for dinner?

ZEEZ

O, who am I kidding? Of course this is. I've been cheating on you...with other women...over and over and over again. Oh my God...Oh my God...

Zeez collapses into his hands, crying.

ZEEZ

I...I am so sorry, Audy. I am so sorry. I am not a better man. I am a bad man. I am a horrible human being...

Audy is silent. She regards Zeez.

ZEEZ

Can you forgive me? Of course you'll never forgive me! Who could forgive a wretch like me?

Zeez wipes away tears.

ZEEZ

I am so sorry! I am so sorry! I have destroyed this relationship! I have sullied! I have soiled! I have stained!

(Beat.)

This relationship is over. I have killed it.

Zeez takes something off of his finger and gives it to Audy.

ZEEZ

There's your ring back. I just hope that...

AUDY

But we're not married...?

zeez (cont.)

...whoever you become involved with next respects you in the ways I never did.

Zeez collapses onto the ground, in tears, in front of Audy's feet. Audy stares blankly.

Sh’ma Y’Israel
Adonai Eloheinu
Adonai Echad…
    The turd-gid solid crystal of twelve-year-old anal waste stared at me deep; at the tail beginning of a new millennium where a decade’s tethers of irony and disassociation were to be strengthened by the roots of a Bush and the raising flag of adulthood loomed over my head. It did not help that said flag was tethered to my tiny cocktail carrot penis, hard at work whipping up fresh batches of semen to mock me throughout my next five to ten. But the bodily fluid on my mind at the moment was clearly the tiny bit of brown feces being wielded by the hands of my best friend Maus. Maus had gotten up to use the restroom and came back with a new dark-skinned friend. Perhaps tipsy off the party wine, perhaps tipsy off his first dance with a girl, or perhaps expressing a deeper set of issues, this husky bubble of a kid somehow felt the need to not only excavate the remains of his bowels with the only tools the cavemen had, but to also waltz around the room with it while dreamily humming a Disney Prince song of his own invention. My thirteen-year-old brain may still have been developing and may not have known much, but it certainly knew that you could not make your own dance partner. Perhaps Maus agreed. “Wanna dance?”
    Why my own Bar Mitzvah had sailed into these dark waters was not entirely a mystery. Maus was my best friend from third grade. We bonded over sunniness. He was happy. I was happy. Let’s be friends. It was that simple. He liked movies. I liked movies. Let’s be friends. But there was one element that put him a notch above in my mind: He had seen PG-13-rated movies. Sometimes even R-rated ones. Really? “Oh yeah.” It was a new dimension, one where the streets were paved with bad language and the skies rained down with boobs. Such a thing would have sent my own parents into a tizzy and to hear him recount those tales of those foreign images was like being the presence of a warrior home from the battles of the centuries. Could I borrow your head?
    But such privileges came with a price and Maus was easily the first friend I had ever made to have come from a broken home. Living with a mother frustrated with a deadbeat ex, his home was different from the one I came from. My parents hid their arguments under the bed and presented a face to me, their son, of utter happy-shine. To see a single mother raising a child all on her own was a bit of a shock to my small brain. There did exist a world outside of myself.
    Still, the problems at home did not impede on our friendship and we spent so many childhood afternoons watching television, drawing comics, and making movies. In that time frame, it was the high life and I thought everyone in the world was lucky enough to have a friend this best. This very best.
    And then the unthinkable happened. New job. New prospects. New school. New state. It all happened so fast. So casual. I replayed the episode of Doug in my head where Doug’s best friend, Skeeter, moved away to comfort my wounded heart. Should I chase after his car with a plastic fork, promising to slash the tires so he could stay and hang out with me further? Or was it a necessity that had to happen, for the cracks had begun to harden.
    He moved at the top of the year 2000. My thirteenth circuit ‘round the sun. In just a matter of months, I will be a man. The culmination of my studies at Hebrew school. One chant from the Torah and my balls would drop, or so the rabbis told me. In the August of that year, I was to be Bar Mitzvahed.
    Yet the Bar Mitzvah was to signify more than my entry into adulthood. It was to also signify the first meeting with Maus since that sad January parting. He may only be coming for a weekend but what a weekend it was going to be! My parents agreed to rent the two of us our own room in the hotel that was to serve as the site of the event. My mind razzled. Movies, magic, fun, song, dance. Think of all I could possibly pack into those two days! And just like that, August became the holy land of 2000s. My mind tunneled towards that 30 day cycle.
    But all the reading, all the chanting, all the Baruch Ata Adonai-ing…it all came back down to that pile of shit. Thank Adonai Maus had never heard of the term “shit-eating-grin” because perhaps his imagination would have been captured. The shit came to me at the crossing where child met adult. What was this creature? Why did it smile? What made it dance? Are you listening, God?

Hear O Ye Israel
The Lord Is Our God
The Lord Is One

And I wasn’t quite sure I liked the fact that my best friend had put said obstacle there. Was God attempting to test me? Was God turning the ones I loved against me? If one piece of shit could freak me out on what I was told was the biggest night of my life, what laid ahead? If my best friend could fling a piece of shit at me in a state of crazed reverie, what could my parents do? What could my grandparents do? What could my future lovers do? What could my kids do?
And like a spirit…
Before he could answer….
Maus was gone….

I very much wish that you would eat ME

Nah, on second thought, others taste much better

Be splerp Be splerp Be splerpity splerp

"...and it was just so ethereal but in almost a Boschian way."

"...sounded like a petulant four year old giving birth to demon babies through a torn-up inner tube, but in a good way..."


"...bestial horns scraping against the vaginal flaps..."

"...and I just think that this band has truly sounded the bell of the utter anger of the human experience, in all of its yawing, clawing distress."

In other news, zombies are koo.